You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
