He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
