Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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