I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
