New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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