Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
