I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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