when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
