yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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