she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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