Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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