Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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