So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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