So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
