i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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