Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
