it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
soo... how was my night?
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