so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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