The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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