I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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