Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
