I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
