you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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