im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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