how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
