I feel great
I just peed on a car
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
