All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone shit on the floor
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
