I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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