I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
