I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
