I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
