i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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