Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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