so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
