Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
