is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize