i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
