do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
