Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
