When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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