We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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