she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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