John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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