I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
