Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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