Jerry, you need to find god
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
