so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
