Pappa wants mamma naked
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
