And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
