This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
