And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
