Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
