nut hugger
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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