Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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