I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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