question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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