Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
