she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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