we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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