You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
