Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can Purell be used as lube?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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