Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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