I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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